Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
