oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
