that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
