I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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