My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize