So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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