Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize