the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
