Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
