My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
