did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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