So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
should my penis look like a turkey
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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