he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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