in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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