atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
