I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
