Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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