dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
