he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We got so high we made milksteak
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize