i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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