It's just like the Real World with babies
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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