note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
