So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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