i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize