dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
