tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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