Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
