He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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