Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
