My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
