How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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