So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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