You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
