dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
