there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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