and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
