Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
