listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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