What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
