there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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