wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
