I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
