If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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