Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
