is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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