I feel great
I just peed on a car
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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