4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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