You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
