I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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