1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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