I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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