I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
