Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
