sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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