Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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