Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize