My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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