you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
