Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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