Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
