he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
