What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
