i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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